Whatever Happened to Harold Absalon? Read online

  He noted that the classical situation that he was alluding to – that is, the classical situation within which these initial two variants of the verb ‘to fear’ are used in this context – consisted of the disembarkation concerns of an elderly person, perhaps not seated, for whatever reason, in the seat or seats designated for their use, which was or were almost always near the door or, in the case of the bus that Marguerite was travelling on, near the platform from which one disembarked and onto which one embarked, that is, the seat or seats that are classically designated for them as a means of helping them to overcome just this sort of fear.

  There was a third kind of fear that came into Marguerite’s mind at that moment, and which perhaps related to the previous two types, especially in the classical case of the elderly person (as before): this was fear of physical harm, which could come about in a number of ways. One way in which actual physical harm could come about in this context, thereby justifying the pensioner’s or other person’s fear, was the unfortunate case of one leg being on the bus and one leg (of the same person that is) off the bus as the bus started moving again. This situation might come about due to the reduced mobility of the geriatric which, in turn related, Marguerite thought, to the first form of fear outlined earlier. Another situation in which this third type of fear was justified by the evidence was one in which, having missed their stop, the pensioner in question has to walk back from the next stop or, if inexplicably a recurrence of the situation occurred, from the one after that or the one after that or the one after that, etc, all the way presumably to the bus depot, exposing them, in their own mind rather than necessarily in reality, to muggings, murder, to a number, in short, of unspeakable – and speakable but unpleasant – things on the walk back to ‘their’ stop or, rather, back to that place that one presumes is close to their stop and for which reason they had hoped to disembark at that stop, such as their home, their place of worship or their local or a more distant public house.

  Marguerite wasn’t so concerned about, did not feel, that is, the third kind of fear, which, in fact, as may be clear from the foregoing, he took to be a sub-set of the initial dual variant. Given that it was a bus with an open platform for embarking and disembarking and that he felt relatively fit, he felt the likelihood of sustaining actual physical harm on failing to disembark at the right moment was ‘low’ or ‘very low’. His fear, in short, related more to the risk of exposure, as previously alluded to, a risk that would, he felt, significantly increase were he to be unable to make it to the exit during the window of opportunity when the bus was stationary at the forthcoming stop. And it was for this reason, amongst others, that he resolved, in following the woman in the pinstriped suit, to leave the smallest possible gap between his body and hers without actually touching her, which sweet delight he would reserve for his fleeting moment in passing the conductress, the thought of which made his stomach tingle and flutter slightly. Still, his breathing became more shallow with the realisation that he might miss what he had come to think of unconsciously as ‘his’ stop, which was not unconnected with the fact that he couldn’t set the pace due to the two passengers in front of him, one of which – the female – seemed, remember, to have recognised him.

  13. I put off my pursuit of her for some time, even though I knew I was obliged. I wanted simply to enjoy the office environment without him around for a while. Was that so terrible? Would things really have been so different if I’d started right away?

  28

  The woman in the pinstriped suit passed something and said something to the conductress as she passed her. Marguerite had been focused, frustratingly, on a different part of the woman’s anatomy at the key moment – he had been scrutinising a mole (not the animal) located to one side (the left) on the rear of the woman’s neck; this distraction meant that he missed the transaction between the businesswoman, as he assumed her to be, and the conductress, a transaction which, clearly, it would have been most useful for him to have observed. The reasons that it would have been most useful for Marguerite to have observed the transaction between businesswoman and conductress were manifold and included the likelihood that this transaction pertained, in some way, to the disappearance of Harold Absalon who, for those just joining, is or was the Mayor’s transport advisor14 and is or was Marguerite’s quarry; another reason why greater vigilance from Marguerite might have been helpful at the crucial moment was that there was a need, in Marguerite’s mind, for just such an object, at this stage, to emerge to help him reinvigorate his investigations.

  He had been noticing, as he followed behind the woman in the tight-fitting blue pinstriped suit, the very woman, remember, who had just handed an undisclosed item to the conductress, and said something to her as she passed it and her, that his investigations were at constant risk of going cold, as it was still known as far as he knew, although, again, this depended upon how and when Marguerite’s investigations are being apprehended, a question quite beyond his remit, but one which he was dimly aware of. He felt, in short, a constant pressure from his superiors to make progress into the mysterious disappearance of Harold Absalon, and suspected that the handover of an item from woman to woman, the former being dressed, at least (wait for it, wait for it, and don’t get excited – it’s not that the latter was undressed), as a businesswoman, would somehow relieve some of this perceived pressure. The woman who was dressed, at least (and Marguerite used this formulation once again just to titillate his mind and the minds of anyone who, mysteriously to him, had access to his mind), as a businesswoman had now passed the woman who was dressed, at least (he tried to avoid doing it a third time but failed, telling himself that this would absolutely be the last time) as a bus conductress, the latter being more or less stationary at that point, as has already been indicated, implicitly if not explicitly.

  The reason for the formulation ‘dressed, at least . . .’ in Marguerite’s mind may not be apparent to apprentice investigators following, metaphorically speaking, in his footsteps; for that reason he spelt out the reasons why his mind was forming its thoughts in just this way at that moment. The handover of a still undisclosed object by the businesswoman to the conductress without the bidding of the conductress, and the former’s words to the latter had, in fact, precipitated Marguerite’s use of the formulation ‘dressed, at least . . .’ since, following and due to this handover, he no longer trusted that the two women in question were businesswoman and conductress, respectively – it had raised the question, in short, as to whether they were businesswoman and conductress or whether they were simply masquerading in those roles in a counter surveillance or even counter insurgency operation, although he had not noticed any original insurgency so to speak, something that he thought he would definitely have noticed even though he had missed the handover from one agent to the other of the item, still undisclosed, in question and the words that had passed between them. The transaction had, in short, put Marguerite on his guard, a guard that had been falling all too easily of late, he noted, especially in relation to what was known in some circles as the fairer sex.

  He also noticed, as he approached what he thought of as ‘within touching distance’ of the conductress, that this progress in his investigations that he felt his superiors demanded had to be of a certain somewhat circumscribed variety – it had to be progress that was at least interesting, preferably suspenseful and, ideally, gripping. That was perhaps just a starting point for defining the type of progress that he felt was demanded of him. There was more that no doubt could be added. Demands were also being placed upon him, he felt, in relation to his investigations, by his peers and by what he momentarily called his inferiors – they were, at least, momentarily, his inferiors in relation to the investigative arts, although through observing his operations they wouldn’t, he hoped, be inferior in this relation for ever; it was part of the reason that he had gone into teaching these dark and some lighter arts, that eventually one of his brightest cadets might eclipse the ma
ster. The master at that moment, whilst still being vigilant and aware of his surroundings, and being able to smell, he thought, the not unpleasant, lingering fragrance of the woman in the pinstriped suit, tried to bring his mind much more fully back to his investigation into the disappearance of Harold Absalon, the Mayor’s transport advisor.

  14. And my work life did start to pick up after he disappeared. Before too long I was reinstated into the monthly meeting, and was actually given part of Harold’s brief. At the same time things were unnerving to me, and my situation wasn’t helped by this role that he’d thrust upon me regarding his wife.

  29

  He continued to approach the conductress. Was it realistic, he wondered a) that he wouldn’t have passed the conductress by now, given the extent of his reflections since the afore- and oft mentioned handover; and b) that he wouldn’t have been able to see what the item that had been handed over, so to speak, actually consisted in? He wondered, when eventually presenting this aspect of the case before a jury or a judge or both, whether they would question his mental recording in this regard, along, at the very least, the two-pronged line of questioning that he himself had outlined in the very same mental casebooks? If he were in their shoes he would vigorously pursue the second line of questioning first.

  ‘Why were you unable to see the item in question?’ – ‘Exhibit J’, it might be. Marguerite referred to it as ‘Exhibit J’ in his mind at this point for a number of reasons, the prime one being that ‘Exhibit A’ seemed too familiar from the mock trial arena, a secondary reason being that the reference to ‘Exhibit J’ helpfully served the additional – that is, additional to the useful function of being more plausible and realistic, perhaps more authentic might be the word – function of indicating the passage of time within the context of the trial; in other words, whereas ‘Exhibit A’ would suggest the early stages of a mock or indeed real trial, ‘Exhibit J’, to Marguerite’s mind, was indicative of elapsed judicial time, in the context of that specific trial, whether mock or real. Elapsed judicial time, then, was, he realised now, what he had unconsciously wished to evoke, hence the selection of the letter ‘J’ as opposed to ‘A’ in relation to the exhibit in question, namely the unnamed item that the so-called businesswoman had handed to the conductress, a so-called businesswoman whom he thought had recognised him and whom he now thought might be a key lead or even a prime suspect in relation to the disappearance of Harold Absalon, the Mayor’s transport advisor.

  The fact that Marguerite could imagine, in some future scenario, that the item in question would appear at a trial (etc) in a zip-up or readily closable in some other way plastic sleeve or pocket, did not mean, note, that he could, in this future imagined scenario, see what the item actually was. He was feeling a pressure from an undefined source to somehow reveal what the item in question was, especially as he was now projecting this item forwards into a trial of some sort, and note that this trial, in being referred to as a future event, had taken on more solidity, so to speak, such that Marguerite now felt less at ease in referring to it as a mock rather than a real trial and, for this reason he dispensed in his mind with the term mock in this regard, he refrained, in other words, from referring to that particular trial in that way henceforward. Where was this pressure emanating from, though, he wondered? Was it, as he had thought previously, emerging from his expectation of the expectations of his superiors for what they might refer to as results? He imagined impatience on their parts (and with the emergence of that plural in his mind he now wished that he had referred to ‘superior’ singular – he felt that in referring to superiors plural that he could, with the emergence of the word ‘parts’, be accused of pandering to the lewder elements of the jury and he regretted this, since it had not been his intention). They might say to him that he could not make progress in his investigation if he could not identify the item that had been handed to the conductress by the woman whom he was following closely behind. His superior might even pick up on the word ‘behind’ and its proximity to the word ‘parts’ as evidence that Marguerite’s mind wasn’t on the job, with even that final phrase itself emphasising the point.

  But underlying this whole issue was an annoyance on Marguerite’s part relating to these so-called results, an annoyance that stemmed from a feeling that his superiors, inferiors and peers, anyone, in fact, who had access to these mental notebooks, an access that he now presumed was made possible by their presentation, somehow, at some future real trial, might feel that he was somehow making up the evidence presented at that future trial, that, in short, no actual item had actually changed hands on the top deck of the bus and that, since it was fabricated or, at the very least, doctored or tampered with, that is tampered with or doctored, rather than tampered with or doctored with, which would have a quite different meaning, that he may as well have specified what the item in question actually was. If, as he now imagined with irritation, he was accused, at some future trial, of having fabricated this evidence, that is, of having made up this incident of an item being handed over from an attractive, tightly clad at least in relation to the short pinstriped skirt worn in the usual place, woman to a uniformed conductress, then he left himself open to the charge of laziness in relation to having been bothered to specify what this item was and, further, of lewdness in relation to using this item, reflecting upon it extensively as a means of dwelling much more fully upon the interplay between the two women, each clad seductively, as they were, in their own way, beyond what could plausibly be held up as a realistic timescale, given the external circumstances, which he imagined his interlocutors or interlocutresses would accept as trustworthy for some reason, that is the fact that the woman in question had passed the conductress what seemed like ages before and that it just seemed unlikely, given the fact that Marguerite had been following closely behind the woman, that he would have a) missed what the item actually was and b) had the time, between the woman’s passage beyond the conductress and his own, to cogitate so extensively in this way, which is just to recapitulate the two points that had been made earlier, remember, albeit using a somewhat different form of words and presenting the points in reverse order when compared to the previously expressed order. He would stand accused, in short, of both fabrication, imagined fornication and actual indolence, and he couldn’t stand that without defending himself in some way.

  Why did Marguerite feel he was exposed to this now three-pronged accusation? The reason he intuited this was that he felt that he needed to deliver in some way, and that his interlocutors/-tresses would perhaps do a comparative study between the firmness, the conviction in the telling of the clear and distinct nature of circumstances surrounding being in the position of following behind the woman (or, if you wish, following behind the woman’s behind), ie the fact that he was on the top deck of the bus, that the conductress was approaching him etc, with the less than clear, less than distinct object or item passed between the two women. He felt exposed, in short, to an accusation that this sort of item was definitive of what someone in his position as investigator would need in order for judge and jury and, before it got to trial, superiors, peers and inferiors, to be convinced that what was being described was indeed an authentic case; further, that the item, as well as being believable in the context of what could be referred to as the action, might also be of interest in some way, might, in short, provide suspense in some way as well as a suspension of disbelief, at the very least, if not actual plausibility or veracity. Why, he wondered now, this need for suspense?

  30

  Marguerite left that question hanging, faced, as he was now, finally, by the conductress. His breathing immediately became shallower at this development and he became what is known as somewhat light-headed. This did not prevent him, professional that he was, from noting that the word ‘faced’ would imply that the conductress had turned towards him. At least it suggested that she had turned her head towards him, such that the planes of their faces were more or less paralle
l, give or take a few tens of degrees. In fact, the person who was being faced – Marguerite in the current situation – did not have also to be facing the person who had turned to face them ie the conductress in the current case. Marguerite could, in fact, have had his back to the conductress, as it is known, as she turned to face him, and this would do nothing to undermine her assertion, if she were called as a witness – or suspect even – and was asked, during cross-examination say, whether on such and such a bus travelling along such and such a road at such and such an hour on (etc) day (and the words ‘such and such’ and ‘etc’ would almost certainly not be used during the actual questioning; the barrister, attorney or law lord or -lady would insert the actual details as they understood them, which would probably have been provided to them by an investigator who, one would hope, would have been of the calibre of Marguerite although this, of course, was rare) that she had, indeed, turned to face him on the bus (etc) in question. What she could not assert in the circumstance where Marguerite had not been facing her as she turned to face him and had not turned to face her for the duration of her facing him was that they had come what is known as face to face. The meaning of this term was refreshingly clear, Marguerite thought, as he scanned the conductress’s face for clues as to whether she would treat him with a modicum of human dignity given his numerous investigative predicaments. Her expression was benign, he judged, as he reflected that this term ‘face to face’ was what he’d originally had in mind when he’d used the phrase, in his mind, ‘faced as he was now by the conductress’. A modern variant of the term was ‘face time’, as in ‘face time with the president’. Personally speaking he’d never had face time with such luminaries as presidents or even ministers, whether prime or otherwise – the minister that is – whether of his own, so to speak, country or continent or another country or continent, although he felt sure that if he was successful in uncovering the circumstances surrounding the disappearance of Harold Absalon, the Mayor’s transport advisor don’t forget, and even managed to find the man himself, that is Harold15 Absalon, the Mayor’s transport advisor, then the president, minister of whatever stature or even the Queen herself would seek an audience with him (Marguerite), one that he thought he would be all too willing to give (if this is what one did, ie give an audience), at the Monarch’s, Minister’s or President’s earliest convenience, their schedule likely as it was, to be fuller at that stage, given the wrapping up, as it might be known, of the case of the disappearance of Harold16 Absalon, given, in fact, that their schedules were almost certainly fuller most of the time than Marguerite’s despite the incredible assiduousness of his approach to his investigations.